For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you never un-have a 4some
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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