thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
