There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
