Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
