Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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