I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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