Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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