I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
