After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
