Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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