Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
