You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
