you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
