i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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