there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
