but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
