Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
