dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i dont even know how to be here
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
