My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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