Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
