I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
