And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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