first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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