I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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