y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
