tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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