what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
