She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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