He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
