Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
