thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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