I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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