If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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