Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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