yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
