and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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