Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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