Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
