Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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