Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
