Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
