He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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