I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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