someone threw a dead crab at me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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