My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
