Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
