Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
