Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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