I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
