hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
