i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
