i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
