I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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