so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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