I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how drunk are you?
Several
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
