god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
