She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
