hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
