we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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