Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
