I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
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FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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