Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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