im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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