The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
