This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
