just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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