you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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