I cut my penus on the lid.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
