This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
