I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
