the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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