Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Non-Jews are for practice
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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