Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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