Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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