omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
