I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
