they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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