I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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