the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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