My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
