Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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