halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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