I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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