I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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