dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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